-"I don't even know why I'm in this band....I'm the only one who believes in the penis vagina way. Everyone else believes that somehow the penis and the butt are gonna make a baby. (Mark walks up and says "What?") Don't even come over here and act like you're heterosexual."
-"Don't throw your dirty toilet paper up here, I'm not hungry!"
-"My heroes are the government officials who risked their lives to tell everyone about the Roswell sightings."
-"I'm basically responsible for anything good the band has to offer."
-"I'm not gay. A lot of people think I'm gay. I have a girlfriend. She thinks I'm gay."
-"We give those boy bands kudos for making money but we feel sorry for them because nobody told them what they're doing is not cool."
-"We hear in the Phillipeans, when a baby is crying, you suck on it's penis to get it to stop. I'm the same way. When I'm crying suck on my penis and I'll stop."
-"Before the shows, I'll sit backstage and listen to Enya."